Ramblings of an Insomniac

What exactly is love? Why do we crave it? We have these brains that we're born with that generate enough thoughts to entertain us for a life time, so why do we need someone else? Do we really need someone else? Is love real or is it just a delusion our mind creates as another form of entertainment? Another thing I don't understand is why people stay in abusive relationships. People are generally selfish, it's unavoidable, and we're sort of programmed to put survival above everything else. Wouldn't that mean that as soon as a relationship turned abusive, we'd get the hell out of there?

Well, before anyone gets any silly ideas, I'm not in an abusive relationship. I'm actually in a very loving one, but that doesn't mean I really understand any of it. Maybe I never will. As for the comment about people being generally selfish, it's not really a bad thing. It's like a built in safety switch. We need to be selfish because we need to put our own matters first so that they're taken care of. It's much easier to help someone else out if you don't need anything. For instance, say you have a friend that's really short on cash and has some serious bills coming up. You know they'll pay you back and that they're reliable. You really want to help them. You can only help them if your own bills are taken care of. What if you get evicted for missing your rent because they couldn't pay you back fast enough?Then your friend will most likely just feel like utter crap cause they totally screwed up your credit, and made you homeless.

Wow, I'm being rather depressing. But, I don't know, sometimes I just think about these things and I suppose writing it down might be helpful?

On a random, sort of weird note, I had a terrible nightmare. It was really scary while I was actually in it, but then I woke up and told my boyfriend all about it and it sounded pretty silly... but it was terrifying for me. So, I had moved into this new apartment and I was going to pick up a few friends so they could come over for dinner for the first time. I stopped at my friends and freaking Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton were there! I was super excited, but then they just seemed like regular people and meeting them lost the novelty. So, I took my friends back to my new place and my sister came over. I was gonna make spaghetti. Then one of my neighbors named Ella came over to welcome me and sort of invited herself in to eat dinner with us, which was really weird and kind of rude.

One of my friends felt like something was strange about her and started keeping an eye on her and realized that she was a part of this cannibalistic cult and that she was planning to kill my friends and I and drag us back to her posse to be eaten by them as soon as the spaghetti was finished. My friend told me and at first I didn't believe him but then she attacked us and we all escaped via go-carts. We went back to my friend's house and we were all freaking out at first, but then we calmed down and went to bed. The next day, I went to this really cool recreation center with my friend and my sister. They had this awesome wall to wall pool on the lower level and you could climb the walls.

Anyway, there was this medical convention going on upstairs where they were showing off all these new medical techniques and giving away free shots. There was even one booth where a horse was giving shots to people. I have no idea why that was in my head. So, my sister decided that she need this shot that were giving at this booth for people who wanted to go to Africa. Though she wasn't planning on going to Africa. But, I recognized some of them as being a part of the Ella's cannibalistic cult and told my sister not to take the shot, but she didn't believe me. My sister never believes me. So, I went to find my friend so that we could hopefully convince my sister otherwise and leave.

On my way to find my friend, I started noticing people just falling dead all over the place and some jumping from extreme heights to their death. So I found my friend and told her what was going on. She didn't believe me and jumped from the wall she'd been climbing into the pool. But she landed next to a dead body and freaked out. The climbing mats that made up the walls around the pool started falling into the water too, so my friend and I began walking on top of them towards the stairs. We didn't want to swim because there were a lot of dead bodies in the pool. We were almost at the stairs when my foot slipped and touched a body. We moved the mat out of the way and found my sister's body because the cult people had killed her.

We left the rec center and I was crying as I called the police from a payphone and then my parents and then my brother who lives in Iowa. He drove all the way down to stay with me at my new apartment for the night. When we got to the apartment my lock was gone and I told my landlord about the lock and the cult people. She told me they could fix the lock tomorrow and to just ask the cult people to leave me alone. Cause of course that would work. I woke up as my brother and I were trying to find a way to secure the door and Ella was coming down the hall to get me.

It was a really screwed up nightmare. I still can't believe a horse was giving people shots.